i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
And then he peed in my hair
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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