You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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