WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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