I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
