God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
