I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
