New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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