How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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