This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
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I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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