i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
