Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
