Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
