Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
