I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
