I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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