I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
