I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
