if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
