You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
