I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
