You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
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He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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