hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
