dude i'm inner monologue high
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
