I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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