i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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