I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
