Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
