I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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