i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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