last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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