we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
