Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
