Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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