i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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