So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
