I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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