apparently the secret to your success is patron
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
