It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
