a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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