Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
