She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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