My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
