please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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