im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I need to stop coming to work sober
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
