Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
