Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
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TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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