my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
