I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
