Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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