my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
