Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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