tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
