I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
