Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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