I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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