I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
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just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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