my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
