he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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