I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
