How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
even my farts smell like vagina
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
