oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Everyone says I win the strip club
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
