And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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