I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
