he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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