I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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