I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
