I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
