I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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