I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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