I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
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Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?