do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's rum buckets o'clock
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
