I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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