Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize