I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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