I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
