im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
