So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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