You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
