really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
