soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize