Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i think my cat just said my name.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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